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Author Topic: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity  (Read 2227 times)

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Offline UniFy(心臓盗人)

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I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« on: June 23, 2017, 05:08:49 PM »
I'm gonna shorten down a long story to a short story.
 
Last week, I traveled to Spain for my sister's wedding. This is the first time I'm travelling with my parents and their families and friends in 13 years. Going with a big group of vietnamese and some few handfull whites.

I experienced the full weight of vietnamese customs that I wasn't used to. For example: loud talking vietnamese in public places, in my eyes some uncivilized behaviour, unwillingly have to helping elders, non-stop talking,  travelling in flock and have to just follow. I know you have to respect folks that are older, but I felt like a damn slave doing their biddings, of things they could easily handled by themselves.

I'm home now, but I have to say I didn't feel comfortable with this and it has bugged me since then. I don't like this vietnamese custom and I think I have to take a choice of either being 100% vietnamese, or being westernized.
The trip has gotten me to think even more on the issue of identity.

Offline 大越

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #1 on: June 23, 2017, 05:40:29 PM »
Every family is different. I wouldn't say your experience is representative of all Viets.




I'm a fobulous fob


Offline UniFy(心臓盗人)

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #2 on: June 23, 2017, 06:12:36 PM »
Every family is different. I wouldn't say your experience is representative of all Viets.






But isn't some of the things I mentioned very common with vietnamese?

Offline 大越

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #3 on: June 23, 2017, 07:16:32 PM »
I can't relate. Maybe my family is different.

Don't be offended, but perhaps it has to do with level of education?







I'm a fobulous fob


Offline UniFy(心臓盗人)

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2017, 09:05:07 AM »
Quote
I can't relate. Maybe my family is different.

Don't be offended, but perhaps it has to do with level of education?



After done some research of the folks I travelled with, I can say you are right: Almost all of them are low level educated...







Offline Strawberry&Rasberry

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2017, 08:08:36 PM »
How does that conflict with Vietnamese identity.  If your relatives have the personalities of being explosive in public that is just their personality.  Every shade of color have people like this.

Offline Lavender

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #6 on: July 12, 2017, 03:28:23 PM »
I don't have a big family so it's not like that when we go out. My family over all are tall and good looking, and quiet (even with my cousins from VN) when we are out so I'm not embarrassed by them at all. 

However, my brother's in-laws family are like that even though they are highly educated. the father was a surgeon in VN and the mother a pharmacist. I know a couple of  vnmese doctor whose families is like that too.  I think it's cultural. They somehow thinks (like most Chinese) that if you talk loudly in your native tongue it shows you have pride. I think it's rude as hell. I mean, you don't have to whisper, but yelling loudly is rude. They travel in flocks.

Over time, I've become less and less proud to be Vnmese. I don't hide form people where I'm from but I've come to realize, we lag behind even many Asian countries in all areas from technical and social advances to cultural creativity. What makes it worse too is the inferiority complex. While we're behind, the commie mouthpieces constantly make propaganda articles touting we're better than so and so countries in SEA and we are so advanced, etc...

I'd say let the progress speaks for itself. Meo khen meo dai duoi.

Offline Strawberry&Rasberry

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #7 on: July 12, 2017, 11:45:05 PM »
I'm confused.  How does that conflict with being Vietnamese.  Like if an African person from Africa had a family like that would that stop him from being African.  No he's still African and has to respect being African.  Shouldn't the question be more to the tune of "I am conflicted about respecting particular members of my family." Duh.

Offline Lavender

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #8 on: July 18, 2017, 07:16:40 PM »
When in Rome....

Offline Strawberry&Rasberry

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #9 on: July 19, 2017, 12:55:40 AM »
So if a person does something wrong does that make you less proud to be human?  See the weirdness of your logic.

Offline UniFy(心臓盗人)

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #10 on: July 19, 2017, 06:50:48 AM »
So if a person does something wrong does that make you less proud to be human?  See the weirdness of your logic.

You speak as it just one person doing something backward. I'm not going to generalize every vietnamese in the world, but there are many with this inferior complex. Yes as lalapaluza mentioned, the commie making propaganda how better we are compared to the rest of SEA contribute to this mentality.

We even bash our upcoming pop music developement, by claiming everything resembles KPOP or being to ''westernized'' No wonder we are still stuck in the mud with this behaviour. We can't stand other success and tries to bring down people, just because they have achieved something we can't. Overload jealousy.

I experience this and many bad traits during my vacation\wedding of my sister in Spain. We were like 200 people, mostly vietnamese and I would sa half of them still carry some bad traits of vietnamese culture.

Offline literallyChina

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #11 on: July 19, 2017, 08:03:07 AM »
You speak as it just one person doing something backward. I'm not going to generalize every vietnamese in the world, but there are many with this inferior complex. Yes as lalapaluza mentioned, the commie making propaganda how better we are compared to the rest of SEA contribute to this mentality.

We even bash our upcoming pop music developement, by claiming everything resembles KPOP or being to ''westernized'' No wonder we are still stuck in the mud with this behaviour. We can't stand other success and tries to bring down people, just because they have achieved something we can't. Overload jealousy.

I experience this and many bad traits during my vacation\wedding of my sister in Spain. We were like 200 people, mostly vietnamese and I would sa half of them still carry some bad traits of vietnamese culture.

What if it was because they were drunk from the wine

Offline UniFy(心臓盗人)

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #12 on: July 19, 2017, 12:01:06 PM »
What if it was because they were drunk from the wine

There were other situations besides the wedding that made me cringe and uncomfortable.

Offline literallyChina

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #13 on: July 19, 2017, 05:02:13 PM »
There were other situations besides the wedding that made me cringe and uncomfortable.

I meant some people get loud when they drink.
And as for wedding maybe they thought it was a happy occasion so felt extra chatty and because there's so many people they had to talk over each other? I doubt they would be loud if there were like only 6 guests at the wedding

Online gaden

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #14 on: July 19, 2017, 05:03:35 PM »
I think it's just the embarrassment felt when your family member doesn't show common courtesy.  It's just the Vietnamese way to where common courtesy doesn't matter when you are in a company of friends or when you are in survival mode.  It's just show that they are confident in their own ways.  But you cannot expect them to follow the ways of the West. 


Offline Strawberry&Rasberry

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #15 on: July 19, 2017, 05:37:10 PM »
You speak as it just one person doing something backward. I'm not going to generalize every vietnamese in the world, but there are many with this inferior complex. Yes as lalapaluza mentioned, the commie making propaganda how better we are compared to the rest of SEA contribute to this mentality.

We even bash our upcoming pop music developement, by claiming everything resembles KPOP or being to ''westernized'' No wonder we are still stuck in the mud with this behaviour. We can't stand other success and tries to bring down people, just because they have achieved something we can't. Overload jealousy.

I experience this and many bad traits during my vacation\wedding of my sister in Spain. We were like 200 people, mostly vietnamese and I would sa half of them still carry some bad traits of vietnamese culture.

But how would you attribute this to Vietnamese culture?  Are all families like that in Vietnam?  Is that the norm of the culture?  Also, if the Vietnamese propaganda is suggesting that Vietnamese are better than the rest of SEA then how does that contribute to an inferiority complex? 

Offline Strawberry&Rasberry

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #16 on: July 19, 2017, 05:39:41 PM »
I meant some people get loud when they drink.
And as for wedding maybe they thought it was a happy occasion so felt extra chatty and because there's so many people they had to talk over each other? I doubt they would be loud if there were like only 6 guests at the wedding

Yea I thought people were rather loud during weddings because it's infrequently done.  I mean people don't attend weddings every week so they feel like they can let go during this celebration.

Offline Lavender

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #17 on: July 19, 2017, 06:25:53 PM »
Well, at a wedding, ok. Or at any private group gathering.  What I was referring to was in public where it's vnmese is not the predominant language. I myself find it annoying when people talk loudly in situations where it's a mixed group.  For example, at a work function. That's ghetto to the max.

If anyone's culture does that It shows that culture is not refined and sophisticated.

I see this a lot with vnmese and Chinese.

I think it's just the embarrassment felt when your family member doesn't show common courtesy.  It's just the Vietnamese way to where common courtesy doesn't matter when you are in a company of friends or when you are in survival mode.  It's just show that they are confident in their own ways.  But you cannot expect them to follow the ways of the West. 



Offline Olive Juice

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Re: I'm conflicted with my vietnamese identity
« Reply #18 on: July 19, 2017, 06:50:45 PM »
Why not act in ways that are opposite to what you find irritating from others?  Maybe they could learn something from you because your actions speak volume(no pun intended).

Plus, you won't waste your time and energy on things/people that are beyond your control.

 
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