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Author Topic: neglect vs emotional abuse  (Read 125 times)

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Offline Guess

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neglect vs emotional abuse
« on: April 06, 2020, 02:48:49 PM »
so if your 14 yo mom was a druggie, left you and your brother at home while she was out partying. You had no food so you ate pepto bismo. CPS was called. Now you're in prison over some drug charge. But supposedly you and your mom are back in touch and she sees the error of her way and you laugh about it and forgive her. She was a kid herself.

vs. you had a mean mom who has always mean emotionally and continues to be critical, unforgiving, never supportive, putting conditions on everything. You are successful but you hate her to the core.

In the second situation, mom could be poor or rich, the outcome is the same.

which mom is worse?

Offline Olive Juice

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Re: neglect vs emotional abuse
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2020, 03:06:10 PM »
Second mom is way worse imo.  While the first mom erred, she at least showed she's capable of changing, implying there's a level insight that she won't or at least to consider not making the same mistake again. 

Second mom sounds like she's not even aware of how the way she is could negatively affect someone for a very long time.  I would feel very frustrated with someone like her.

Offline Guess

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Re: neglect vs emotional abuse
« Reply #2 on: April 06, 2020, 03:12:31 PM »
I was quite amazed too at how the first person could forgive his mom after such an ordeal while you hear stories all the time how kids either act out and become estranged. The sensitive ones who instead of acting out take the aggression inward and end up commiting suicide.

I don't think the kid would be angry enough to kill the parent unless other form of abuse was involved but someone who has insight is more lovable than someone who doesn't. Emotional abuse can impair one's happiness for life.

Offline Olive Juice

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Re: neglect vs emotional abuse
« Reply #3 on: April 06, 2020, 03:52:15 PM »
I'm cognizant of that too.  I have a colleague who has a very rebellious and belligerent son.  The son would often act out against her as a way to let emotions out because he can't do that with his dad. 

I feel bad for the mom, but I also realized the dad offers not much help since he's similar to the second mom, from your examples.  I do feel people with high(er) emotional quotient tend to be more effective in dealing with people.  We see highly intelligent people becoming very successful career-wise all the time, yet they make lousy parents.


Offline gaden

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Re: neglect vs emotional abuse
« Reply #4 on: April 07, 2020, 05:52:49 PM »
I think when you really have grownup and developed an self identity, you would see these nuisances as opportunity instead of dread, after all they are your family member and pretty much you.  If you are brave and strong enough you would try and correct and misdeeds.

The thing is try and think when they were young what kind of environment they live in.  Why do old people always act the same?

Offline Guess

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Re: neglect vs emotional abuse
« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2020, 07:25:55 PM »
Yeah, it saddens me to think those people themselves were never loved by their parents. Granted love in the Asian way is not like western way. Ie you don’t say I love you hug and kisses and all that. Actually of Asian parents do that it looks weird. However you can show love by kind words and action , by not placing conditions on your love, or by not passing judgement, by being there in time of need, et...some people never learned that.


Offline gaden

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Re: neglect vs emotional abuse
« Reply #6 on: April 08, 2020, 06:31:50 PM »
Emotions back in the days are not what it is today.  I've heard of horror stories from the past generations of physical and mental abuse that would be hard for anyone to fathom.   

Plus, what your emotions today is the result of your privilege.   People back then don't have any schooling, no media for one's own thoughts to judge right and wrong.

 
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